Top baby names of 2013. Good Lord.


The Top 10 names for girls for 2013 so far, with asterisks marking those moving up fastest, are:

  1. Imogen
  2. Charlotte
  3. Harper
  4. Eleanor
  5. Amelia*
  6. Evelyn*
  7. Isla
  8. Violet
  9. Penelope
  10. Cora*

The Top 10 names for boys for the first nine months of 2013 are:

  1. Asher
  2. Finn
  3. Declan
  4. Atticus*
  5. James
  6. Oliver
  7. Henry
  8. Emmett*
  9. Owen
  10. Django

And the Top 10 unisex names are:

1. Rowan*
2. Quinn
3. Kai
4. Sawyer
5. Avery
6. Charlie
7. North*
8. Elliot
9. Finley
10. Emerson

And they blame the internet for bullying? How about parents stop naming their children Finley or Asher and see how low bullying plumets. Whatever happened to Michael, Robert, Brian, Katherine, Allison, Meghan etc? Are these names going to be extinct in like 100 years, only to become popular again in the year 2150 because no one has them? Look, I get it parents, you want your child to be unique, but naming your child North name because Kanye West and Kim Kardashian named their child that will not help the kid out.

Do you think its Hipsters reproducing? I just can’t pin point why this is happening.  It would make sense that after the Occupy movement ended, every chick in there got knocked up(too poor for birth control ) and decided to name their soon to be doomed child some random Hipster name. If anyone has any ideas let me know, because thats the only thing I can come up with.

Lets start with the girls names: This is not a terrible list. Charlotte, Eleanor, Amelia, and Evelyn are relatively normal names and can be shortened to Elly, Amy, whatever. Imogen? How is this in the top 10?  Imogen is not a name. I get that Shakespeare named one of his characters this but I guarantee years from now your daughter will wish she was named Ashley. Isla, Penelope, and Cora are other names that I dislike. Isla is Island is spanish, Cora, another spanish sounding word sounds like its a nick name. Penelope should not crack the top 50 list for girls names. Violet and Harper I can live with, still not in my top 50 for girls.

The boys list is embarrassing. The only acceptable names: James and Henry. To the parents that named their child Asher(moment of silence, shakes head and looks down momentarily), I wish I could sent social services to your houses and get the kid out of there before he becomes a failure in life. Can anyone name 1 successful person in the real world named Asher? Every Asher I can think of is a drug addict or a video game character. Asher Roth is not famous nor successful, sorry people. Finn is the name of the guy from Glee who overdosed and died. What a great person to name your child after. I’m surprised Heath wasn’t on this list (nothing beats Heath Ledger in A Knights Tale or as the Joker, RIP Heath).

Atticus is not bad, a classic name with some phenomenal people having it throughout history, but who would have thought teachers will have multiple Atticus’ in class? I remember there being like 3-4 Meghan’s in elementary school and the teachers would refer to them as Meghan A. or Meghan M. “Atticus R. please come to the front of the room” just doesn’t sound right.  Declan, Oliver, and Owen are all names you have heard but are very uncommon. I am not a big fan of these names, although I’m sure kids named Declan will have plenty of lady attention  in like 5th grade. Chicks seem to love that name. How is Emmett on this list? Just a bad name. If I met someone named Emmett, I would probably not becomes friends with them based solely on their name. And this brings me to the name of the year, #10 for boys: Django. I don’t think there are enough characters for me to go off on Django. I think you get the picture, although this was a phenomenal movie.

Terrible Unisex names: Rowan, Kai, Sawyer, North, Elliot, Finley, Emerson. To the future kids with these name, don’t let the bullies get to you. Start lifting early. When they come up to you next time, punch them square in the face. By the time your 8, that will probably get you thrown in jail, but no one will ever bully you again. And to all the Norths out there, when you turn 18, you can always change your name and move out of your parents house. Those are probably two things you should do immediately, especially you North West(if you are still alive by then).


North West

Charlie is a girls name? Did some research, its a little girl on the Disney Channel….

Edit: Katniss is also among the top 20 or so names for girls. People need to stop watching movies.

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