So, I was watching No Strings Attached last night and had a few observations during the movie. 1.) Ashton Kutcher is a squid, 2.) That movie is complete crap, 3.) Natalie Portman should not have been cast for that role, even though I love her, 4.) Friends with Benefits cast was much better, and many other things. Ashton Kutcher just emulates ‘squidness’ in this movie. This got me to thinking of ‘squid’ characteristics, so I came up with a list for the ladies out there. Is your man a squid? Here is a list that will cover characteristics and trends of your average squid.
1.) Drives with 2 hands
This is the reason I started this list. Ashton Kutcher is a 2 handed driver in No Strings Attached, just looking like a straight squid. What a loser. This should be the number one thing to look for.
2.) Wears sneakers with jeans
Big debate about this on Barstool. Wearing sneaks and jeans hasn’t been cool since high school. Grow up.
3.) Drives a Jetta (with tinted windows for bonus points)
This is a chick car men. Get it together.
4.) Prefers Friends over Seinfeld
This should be number one. Any dude who prefers to watch Friends instead of Seinfeld is a loser. I don’t ever want to meet a person with this preference, unless they are a ridiculously good looking woman.
5.) Buttons top botton of short sleeve polo
Examples: Drake, LeBron James.
6.) Has a white iPhone
Note: I currently have a white iPhone only because I broke my phone and the insurance only had white iPhone’s available. Pretty upset by this.
7.) Smokes cigarettes
Bonus point for E-Cigarettes.
8.) Pretends like they don’t like 90’s boy bands / new catchy songs.
Living in denial is no way to go through life son.
9.) They can fit into your jeans
Unless your Topanga, your SO should not be able to fit into your jeans.
10.) Buys shots of vodka at the bar
11.) Wears sleeveless winter jackets
It cold out there buddy, might want to find your sleves.
12.) Constant Facebook poster
No one cares.
13.) Huge EDM fan
14.) Played Lacrosse in college
15.) Pierced ears
Never was cool, even though you thought it was in 6th grade.